Is your relationship growing or stagnant?
Stagnation is a common problem in most long-term relationships. How do you know if you are stagnant or growing in your relationship? Some of the signs of a stagnation are lack of communication, boredom, lack of fun together and arguing about minor issues. The good news is that your relationship is not doomed just because you find yourself in a rut.
It is important to take the pulse of our relationship’s health every now and then. I would say often so that we don’t get caught by surprise when things are not going well. Growing in our relationships take commitment. You have to be committed to individual growth and to collective growth. When we are committed to individual growth, it allows for more self-awareness within the dynamic of the couple relationship which can promote healthier communication and greater conflict resolution skills. Here are six tips for helping your relationship move from stagnation to growth.
1. Be in a state of constant learning-When a conflict occurs, it’s important to view disagreements as opportunities to learn and grow as a couple. Being able to view disagreements as growth opportunities is a sign possessing self-awareness in a relationship. You allow each disagreement to be learning moments. You are not quick to blame your partner but are quick to understand their point of view and also assess your role.
2. No mind-reading- You understand that as a couple that you both are evolving as individuals and there is no room for mind reading or making assumptions. It allows you to remain in the space of curiosity with your partner by fighting the urge to react to your partner based on past experiences. You both work to avoid generalizing each other’s reactions.
3. Appreciation- Appreciation shows that you value your spouse and you are not taking their love or their role in your life for granted. Sometimes this is easy to do when we have come to expect certain things from our spouse or partner, and we can easily take what they do and what they bring to the relationship for granted. However, in healthy and growing relationships, partners take the time to show appreciation even for the seemingly small things such as your partner bringing you a cup of coffee in the morning or your partner remembering that you don’t like onions in your salad. Practicing appreciation can also help us to even appreciate our partners’ flaws. After all, we too are imperfect.
4. Apologize- Being willing to apologize when you have hurt your spouse is crucial to conflict resolution. When a partner is able and willing to stop and think about his/her role in a disagreement and also willing to put themselves in their partner’s shoes, it gives way to empathy and disarms your partner. Sometimes the apology is not necessarily about something you did wrong but it’s about you acknowledging and validating their hurt in the present situation.
5. Make time for each other-Many couples might think that being around each other is enough but it’s not enough. Spending uninterrupted time without any distractions as proven to be crucial to couples feeling emotionally connected to each other. You can go for a walk, have coffee time with each other or pillow talk. Whatever you chose to do will help to strengthen your bond and admiration for each other. Couples who spend at least 10 minutes daily checking in with each other have a healthier dynamic than couples who don’t make that time for each other.
6. Be intentional-monitor your progress as a couple. Create a plan for relationship growth. Set short term goals such as weekly date nights and weekly couple check-ins. Set long-term goals such as romantic getaways, marriage retreat or relationship counseling to enhance your relationship. Review goals to ensure that you both are still on the same page.
I believe that when a relationship is built on mutual respect, appreciation and understanding, couples naturally will feel emotionally close to each other.Their fondness for each other will only lead to more growth and mutual satisfaction.