Couples Therapy

Are you struggling to communicate and connect with your partner? Does it seem like you constantly criticize each other? Do you have the same arguments over and over again? Have you lost your emotional connection with each other?

If you are raising children, you may have issues balancing your career and family. Or perhaps you are on the verge of becoming empty-nesters as your children head off on their own. With your lives so focused on your children, you may struggle to connect with your partner.

Or perhaps you are dealing with trust issues after infidelity. While you may be trying to work things out, knowing how to recover from an affair can be extremely challenging.

Each of you has past baggage

Most couples, at some point, will face communication issues. For you and your partner, these concerns may present constant problems in your marriage or relationship. You may have even sought advice for your marriage, only to be disappointed when it didn’t work for you.

Unfortunately, there are likely things from both of your pasts that are holding you back. In some ways, you may not even realize what is preventing you from moving forward. It could be issues from your childhood, past relationships, or trauma that has occurred. Unintentionally, you may be sabotaging your relationship.

When facing issues in your relationship, it is easy to feel misunderstood. No matter how hard you try, it seems as if you can’t get your partner to value your perspective. Which often leaves both of you feeling frustrated and alone.

Your relationship is important to you. You want to work things out, but at this point, you are at a loss for how to fix things. With couples therapy, you can grow a stronger connection with your partner and learn to communicate effectively.

It is possible for your relationship to thrive, emotionally reconnect, and build the trust you have with each other.

Relationships Change Over Time

No matter how much time has passed since they began dating or got married, most couples will notice transformations in their partner, themselves, or their overall relationship. They often ask themselves where things went wrong or try to pinpoint the exact event that changed everything. It could be anything from an argument to a relationship-changing event such as an affair.

Childbirth, career changes, illnesses, dealing with infidelity, or death can all affect the health of a relationship. Truthfully, many events can rock the foundation of a relationship. And when this foundation is on shaky ground, many couples will struggle to rebuild the pieces.

Balancing the needs of others can feel impossible. Especially when you factor in careers, raising a family, or social obligations. One person may feel like they don’t receive enough support or help, while the other feels emotionally neglected. Not to mention the added stress that financial hardships can cause in a relationship.

Why do we keep fighting?

Breakdowns in communication are one of the leading problems in a marriage or relationship. Unresolved communication issues will dramatically impact a couple’s connection.

The way each partner handles conflict can lead to even more disconnection.  While one person may lash out at their partner, the other may withdraw to protect themselves. All this behavior does is create a negative cycle of conflict and stress.

Most people believe that counseling is only for couples who have issues in their marriage—or those in the middle of a separation or divorce. However, the majority of couples can benefit from working with a counselor in therapy.

Therapy For Couples Can Strengthen Your Connection

It is common for couples to be hesitant about reaching out to a therapist. It can feel like a daunting task to admit that you need help with issues in your relationship. Understandably, you or your partner may be unsure of the benefits of counseling services.

Instead of continuing the negative cycles, therapy provides a safe place for couples to express their pain. The goal of therapy is to help each partner learn how to listen to one another. It helps change unhealthy communication patterns by replacing them with healthier ways of expressing themselves.

What To Expect In Sessions

In the first counseling session, we will focus on each partner’s opinions regarding the problems in their marriage or relationship. We will discuss the relationship, and we will also talk about the root of their initial attraction for each other. To understand the communication efforts, I will work with you to see how you have dealt with difficult decisions and conflicts in the past.

My second and third counseling sessions are unique in that I meet with each partner individually. I do this to understand the history of each person’s childhood, past relationships, or any trauma they may have endured. Meeting with you individually will allow us to see your unique communication and conflict resolution styles.

My Approach To Therapy For Couples

I use what is known as Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT) in my sessions. This model of therapy helps to normalize why people act the way they do in a relationship and validate their reactions. Often, it is discovered that fear or anxiety may be expressed in the relationship by either attacking the other partner or shutting down completely. Each person’s reaction is their way of trying to connect or protect their relationship.

Counseling helps couples understand how their fears, anxieties, and reactions are hurting their relationship. EFT helps each partner become more aware of the other’s needs. It provides a place where issues in the relationship can be discussed empathetically without becoming angry or defensive.

Therapy allows couples to understand the reasoning behind their partner’s reaction, why their partner reacts the way they do to conflict. By looking at the negative cycles of the past, it lets couples understand that they are not each other’s enemies.

When issues or emotions show up in our sessions, I will help you identify the root causes of your triggers and emotions. This will help you learn to resolve conflicts differently as we slow the process down and identify how you speak and receive messages from each other during a heightened emotional state.

When couples are able to learn how to identify their negative patterns based on their individual histories, they are better equipped to have a healthy discussion and can share their pains with one another without feeling the need to either run away emotionally or fight for connection.

I have been working as a therapist for over a decade. I have seen amazing transformations in the dynamics of many relationships. As couples work on their communication skills, they can work through their issues from a vulnerable place. It teaches them how to listen without reacting. As a result, the connection in the relationship will strengthen, allowing each partner to feel heard and validated.

You May Still Have Questions About Couples Counseling.

What if our conflicts can’t be resolved?

This is a common concern most couples have. When there have been problems in the marriage or relationship for a long time, it can be hard to see how things can improve. My goal during our session is to help you and your partner process your conflicts differently. This will help you learn how to resolve your conflicts when emotions are heightened. This helps identify the negative patterns that are causing the issues. The majority of couples find new hope for the relationship after the first session. This is because EFT highlights the negative cycles that keep them stuck.

What if you take sides with my partner?

I understand the place you are coming from. In therapy sessions, I strive to make sure that each partner feels validated and heard. No matter what brings you to counseling, even when there is hurtful behavior in the relationship, I strongly believe that it boils down to communication issues.

I can understand your concerns, especially if you had a negative experience with another counselor. My motto is that the relationship is my client's. Therefore, I understand that “it takes two to tango,” meaning that both people contribute to the dynamics of the relationship. It would be counterproductive to blame one partner for all of the issues.

I’m worried about the cost of therapy.

This might sound cliché, but therapy is truly an investment.  Relationships are to be maintained, and anything that needs maintenance requires an investment.  A healthy relationship will be part of your legacy. Couples who participate in therapy are working towards their future. It gives assurance that healthy communication skills can be taught.

You Can Find A Deeper Connection With Your Partner

No matter what issues you have been facing, you are here, and that is a great sign that your relationship can improve. If you are ready to start a journey to healing and better communication, I offer a free 15-minute phone consultation to ensure that I am the right fit for you. Reach out to me on my contact form, or feel free to call.